It Wasn't Meant to Tea Her Off
by DezoPenguin
Summary: Nothing is ever simple, as Natsuki finds when she attempts to relax after a long day, only to receive a request from Shizuru that makes no sense whatsoever from her perspective and finds her sweetheart's surprising insistence starts to get under her skin... (2014's shameless ShizNat birthday fluff for my wife, set in the "Duran and Kiyohime's Omake Theater" continuity as usual.)


**It Wasn't Meant to Tea Her Off**

or

**"It Isn't Just Good in Birthday Cakes"**

_(featuring the Kuga-Fujino family pets!)_

Domestic bliss, Natsuki Kuga had found, suited her surprisingly well. The girl had spent most of her teenage years living on the edge, never trusting anyone, never letting anyone inside, pursuing a covert war against a secret conspiracy involving government scientists and ancient, inhuman entities. It was the kind of life that habituated a person to the rush of adrenaline, the constant pulse of tension, even of violence. She'd heard the talk, about how people could get addicted to such a life, unable to cope with the _lack _of tension and stress.

_Idiots_, Natsuki decided, while lying stretched out on her living-room couch with her dog napping on the floor next to her. It had been a weird journey for her to get to this point, but she definitely wouldn't want to give it up. It was good living a life where her high-school homework was the biggest problem she faced instead of being a time-wasting annoyance keeping her from dealing with the real problems.

Okay, it was still a time-wasting annoyance, but that was within acceptable bounds. There was a difference between "I should be running recon on District One's new staging facility" and "I want to get another hour of gaming in before dinner."

Of course, that was not to say that domestic bliss did not have its own problems.

"Na-tsu-ki," a voice singsonged. "Would you make me a cup of tea?"

Natsuki lowered her book to her chest, turned her head to her right, and directed a look at Shizuru Fujino. Her girlfriend was seated at the living-room table, her papers spread out in front of her. Ordinarily, Shizuru did her studying at her desk, but today she wanted to be out here, as there was a live broadcast of a concert on TV, a fusion of classical Japanese music with classical European.

Natsuki had considered wearing headphones while she read, but the music was just dull to her ears rather than irritating, and shutting out sound also meant shutting out Shizuru's voice. That would mean that if she wanted Natsuki's attention (as she inevitably would), she would have to use other, more..._creative_...means of getting it.

Yeah, headphones were out. It was never a good idea to set herself up for an ambush.

"A cup of tea? You want _me_ to make _you_ a cup of tea?" she repeated, as if trying to make sure that she'd heard it right.

"Yes."

"Shizuru, you're like the goddess of tea or something. You were the president of the tea ceremony club. You can do that whole routine in front of business leaders, politicians, and diplomats without any of them batting an eye."

"Why, thank you. Natsuki is most flattering."

"Whereas I, on the other hand, make hot tea by putting money into the vending machine, taking out the can, and pulling the tab."

"That isn't true at all, and you know it."

"It's true most of the time. Okay, so if I really, really motivate myself, I can probably manage to properly use a tea bag, but that's as good as it gets."

"Millions of people worldwide use tea bags, Natsuki. Even I keep them in stock for emergencies."

"Yeah, those pricey little pyramid-shaped ones. Which matters somehow, and you probably know why, which is exactly my point."

"Oh?"

Natsuki sighed. So, Shizuru was going to play this game, was she? _Fine, if she wants to feign ignorance, I'll swallow my pride and put it into words for her._

"It's like Picasso buying art on black velvet from a street painter to hang on his wall. When it comes to tea, you're an artist. For me, it's something to drink, and not even one of my favorites. For you, it's like an entire philosophy of life doused in boiling water."

Shizuru broke into giggles.

"I must admit, I had never thought of the way of tea in precisely that light before."

"See what I mean? I can't even say 'the way of tea' with a straight face!"

"And this is exactly why you should spend more time making it. Tea is not something that one can learn by watching others. Only through the act of preparation and drinking can you properly come to understand its true meaning." She smiled at Natsuki. "I only want to help my beloved come to better appreciate something which is such a large part of my life."

Natsuki snorted. "Nice try. More like you're too lazy to get up and do it yourself."

"Why, Natsuki, what a thing to say! How could you cast such aspersions on my character?"

"Um, because I know you?"

Shizuru pouted. Then she sniffled.

Natsuki raised her book quickly. She knew what was coming next: the lethal puppy-dog eyes, the ones that could make her heart melt in an instant. Particularly when they were merged with an equally devastating whimper, sounding exactly like an innocent animal in trouble.

_Seriously, Duran can't do it half as effectively, and he's an actual dog!_

Tonight, though, she was _not_ going to let it get to her. She was the (allegedly) tough, hard-as-ice Natsuki Kuga and she was not going to let her girlfriend get her way via pleading antics that she knew were fake and that Shizuru knew she knew they were fake but used them anyway because they worked, dammit! But they were not going to work this time. She would remain strong. She would resist steadfastly. She would—

_Whimper_.

"It's not going to work!" she yowled defiantly...largely because it _was_ in fact working. "Even if you whine so piteously that it would make Scrooge hand out gold to passerby, you're not going to cajole me into making you tea. We've got a division of labor around here. Do you think Mai makes Tate and the smirking wonder cook her dinner?"

"They have cooked on the grill for her," Shizuru pointed out from past barbecue experiences.

"That is not the same thing. That's like...if you wanted a cup of coffee from the automatic drip pot."

Natsuki peeked over the top of her book to see Shizuru's face twist into a _moue_ of distaste. Not only did her girlfriend not like coffee, but to the extent she did tolerate it, it would be hand-pressed from beans carried by a donkey that had been given special food to make its sweat have a particular flavor to permeate the sacks of picked coffee, or some similar nonsense. It wouldn't be a convenience store special half a step above instant.

The face Shizuru had made did a good job driving out the thought of her puppy-dog pouting from Natsuki's thoughts. _Score one for me! Ha!_

"But Natsuki, consider the situation. Here I am, up to my eyes in college homework, while you are relaxing on the couch."

_Okay, so one score isn't enough to win the game_, Natsuki amended glumly.

"Seriously? That's where you're going with that? I'm relaxing now because I worked hard earlier, while you know as well as I do that you're not doing anything really tricky."

Shizuru's eyebrows rose.

"Why, Natsuki! How can you claim that I am not completely immersed in my studies?"

"The hydra in your lap was my first clue."

Kiyohime's sixth head rose up and gave a curious hiss. The other heads continued to slumber, draped over Shizuru's leg as she was while her tail was coiled around Shizuru's waist.

"She's providing emotional support," Shizuru replied archly.

"Three of her heads are snoring. I'm surprised you haven't woken her up so you can better hear the music. Which, by the way, is my second clue. If you were really dedicating yourself to study, you wouldn't do it where car ads are blaring at you for every nine minutes of concert."

Shizuru pouted again.

"Natsuki does not appreciate my dedication to important tasks. If it were not for me, Kiyohime would have an itchy neck, and you know how much more difficult it is for her to scratch than for Duran." She suited her actions to her words by scratching the sixth head behind the crest in that hard-to-reach spot.

"We got her a toothbrush-sized backscratcher last Christmas so she could do that herself," Natsuki pointed out.

"And her pillow is drying after being washed. Surely you are not so heartless as to make an innocent hydra lay on the cold, hard floor when I am willing to make the sacrifice of providing a cuddly lap?"

This impassioned plea cut very little ice with Natsuki.

"Shizuru, the floor is carpeted. Duran's been sleeping on it for the last half-hour. Secondly, there are chairs, or I'd be happy to make space on the sofa for her. And thirdly, since when is snuggling with your pet a _sacrifice_?"

Kiyohime seemed to appreciate the last point of Natsuki's. Her second head woke up and joined the sixth in giving Shizuru an affronted hiss.

"A poor choice of words, I do admit. However, my point remains. Surely, it is more pleasant for her to curl up like this than it would be to lie on the floor?"

Natsuki pulled her feet back so that her knees were bent, opening up space at the end of the couch.

"Feel free to come on up," she invited the hydra.

"...Natsuki is taking this matter very seriously tonight," Shizuru observed.

"So is Shizuru," Natsuki shot back. Two could play the third-person game, after all. "She's a congenitally lazy person, of course, but even so I would have expected her to give in once it became obvious that it would take as much effort to get _out_ of work as it would to actually do the work in the first place. Particularly since the tea tastes better when you make it for yourself, so if anything you ought to want to make it if all else is equal. And blast it, I ended up back in second person. How do you _do_ that and just keep going without flubbing up, anyway?"

"Practice."

"Yeah, well, it paid off. You can pretty much be archly annoying at will."

That last line came out more snappishly than Natsuki had intended for it. Shizuru pursed her lips, the teasing twinkle in her eyes dying down.

"You _are_ taking this seriously," she said.

"Yeah, well, like I said, so are you. Why are you pushing it so hard? Am I taking up too much couch space, or do you really want to read this book or something? What's it all about?"

"I just really would like a cup of tea."

"So make one, geez. Nobody's stopping you, regardless of how many lame excuses you give me as to why you supposedly can't. Heck, Kiyohime would probably help."

"...I wanted a cup of Natsuki's tea."

"Again, _why_?"

"...It tastes better when you make it."

Natsuki managed to somehow snort and laugh at the same time at _that_ ridiculous comment.

"Shizuru, if you're going to lie to my face, at least show me the respect of trying something believable."

"But it's true!"

Natsuki sighed and sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the couch and setting the book down on the arm of the sofa.

"All right. You've got my full attention. Explain to me how cheap tea made from tea bags by someone who has to read the package to know how long to steep it for can be better than tea made perfectly by a master of the tea ceremony? 'Cause seriously, I have tasted my tea and the only things it has going for it are that it's hot and it contains caffeine. And unlike my attempts at _food_, you can't even dump mayo on it to cover up the flavor."

"I agree, when you make tea, it is not up to certain technical standards," Shizuru said, looking full on into Natsuki's eyes.

"That was diplomatically phrased."

"_But_," she stressed, apparently a little miffed at the interruption, "when I drink a cup of your tea, it is like the warmth from every sip carries your love all through me. And that is something that makes mere skill of preparation or even the grace and harmony of the tea ceremony seem utterly empty by comparison."

Natsuki just looked at her for a long moment. Last year, she'd have suspected Shizuru was making fun of her, saying something like that. Two years ago she'd have been certain of it. Three years ago, she'd have punched someone in the face who'd tried a line like that out on her.

This year, she just sighed and got up, careful not to step on or trip over Duran.

"I guess I can't argue with that. But you owe me."

"I will be more than happy to show my love for Natsuki in equal measure!"

Natsuki grinned.

"Well, if you're trying to convince me that I should make tea more often, it's definitely working."

~X X X~

_A/N: For those who've followed these stories for the past few years, you already know what comes next: Happy Birthday, sweetheart! It's my wife Tarma Hartley's birthday, and she loves Shizuru and Natsuki because, as I've mentioned before, they remind her most of us out of all the couples I write about. As a bonus, Tarma actually suggested this story idea. She and I both enjoy tea in the evenings, and we each prefer the tea made by each other, for pretty much the exact reason Shizuru provides. So we take turns...except, Shizuru-like, I try to weasel out of it as often as possible. Our ongoing rule for that is, I give her silly excuses for why she should make the tea, and if she's sufficiently entertained, she'll make tea. ^_^ She thought that might make for a good story idea, so, with a few modifications, here it is for her to read!_


End file.
